I have been battling between "being still" and "not growing weary" as our pastor preached about Sunday. I definitely grow weary when my anxiety is up. Yes, anxiety has exposed its ugly head in my life once again. It has been very manageable this time, which I am thankful for. But I still search for the cause which could be one or all of the following:
1. Our church family lost a dear man almost 2 weeks ago. He was an elder and pillar of our church. His death was sudden and unexpected.
2. I tried the Atkins diet which resulted in my blood sugar bottoming out for 3 days. In case you don't know anything about anxiety; keeping blood sugar levels stable is a must.
3. God is telling me to slow down, because the child He has prepared for us before the foundation of the world has not yet been born.
After postponing our home study Wednesday, I visited with our pastor's wife. I told her all my fears and thoughts.
"What if something happens to one of my kids while we are gone overseas?"
"What if Jonathan and I don't make it back and my kids are left without parents?"
"I just want to enjoy the children God has already given me before adding more."
That last thought is of course the only one she felt was valid. But she did give me comfort that we made the right decision. I was afraid I was letting Satan get to me. She assured me that the Holy Spirit can use anxiety to get our attention.
We will still adopt. We just aren't sure when and from where. For now we are going to "Be still and know that [He] is God (Psalm 46:10).